The last FiCB of my senior year... Usually, I brace myself for the same old stuff that Eugene talks about every year, and to be honest, I always found this last FiCB of the year to be pretty unimportant. This time around, however, was different. And it's not like Eugene said anything too different. Maybe it's because today, for a change, I realized that a lot of what he said directly applied to me. And it was just demoralizing to see the depth of my sin.
The first part that made me sad was Eugene's talk about the value of time. (I've heard this before, but it really got to me this time.) At one point, he said, "Some of you have wasted the last four years [of your college career]." I can't say that the whole of my college experience was a complete waste of time, but I have to say that much of my time could have been used more efficiently and effectively, for a higher purpose, namely, for God's glory. If I had to give an honest answer, I'd have to say that a majority of my four year in college have been a waste of time. I had so much free time to do something meaningful, but I always managed to "kill" time...
The second part of Eugene's retrospective talk was his advice for each of the classes. This was advice that somehow applied to me.
-He addressed the juniors and he simply told them this: "Follow Jesus." In "stepping up" to leadership positions, Eugene told them to "follow Jesus" and to forget about "proving" themselves. I look back the course of my senior year as a small group leader, and I wonder... Did I really follow Jesus? Or was I just trying to prove something to myself?
-The sophomore class was told that potential can only take them so far and that they can't depend on their reputation to get by. You know, that's the story of my life... People used to tell me of my potential, and I always believed them. Somewhere along the way, I began to think that I was invincible... College humbled me to great extents, but there are still traces of my dependence on a reputation that I can no longer live up to. Potential wasted...
-The freshmen class didn't receive advice so much as an apology. "We could have done more for them." And I wonder... Could I have done more to reach out to not only the freshmen in my small group, but also to the other freshmen and newcomers? The answer is "yes."
-Eugene forgot the senior class, but he eventually addressed it when someone asked him to. He said that one of these days in our futures, we would ask ourselves, "Why didn't we just listen to God?" The future? I must have failed to listen to God millions of time, and I have regretted it so many times in the past... I guess he speaks of more struggles and hardships to come...
Billy's testimony made me feel even worse. What the hell am I doing while people are dying and struggling to survive in places like Afghanistan? I'm wasting time and potential, trying to prove something to myself, and overlooking the needs of others...all failing to follow Jesus, failing to listen to God...while people are dying without the gospel.
If it weren't for Eugene's prayer, I think I would have been devastated. Just one line in his prayer reminded me that there was, is, and forever will be hope... That God did not look at my own righteous deeds, but that he looked at Christ's righteousness... I can't cling to anything else...
Yeah, I don't really like reading about "spiritual" things in other people's blogs, so I was hesitant about writing so much in mine, but I felt that it was important that I write this down for my own benefit. In the past, I've written down resolutions that I've failed to keep, but God-willing, I want to try to change things around, starting with this entry...
One day, I want to say: "Yeah, it's true that I wasted almost four years of my life. But near the end of those four years, I began to do something with myself that made a difference in other people's lives and ultimately brought glory to God."
The first part that made me sad was Eugene's talk about the value of time. (I've heard this before, but it really got to me this time.) At one point, he said, "Some of you have wasted the last four years [of your college career]." I can't say that the whole of my college experience was a complete waste of time, but I have to say that much of my time could have been used more efficiently and effectively, for a higher purpose, namely, for God's glory. If I had to give an honest answer, I'd have to say that a majority of my four year in college have been a waste of time. I had so much free time to do something meaningful, but I always managed to "kill" time...
The second part of Eugene's retrospective talk was his advice for each of the classes. This was advice that somehow applied to me.
-He addressed the juniors and he simply told them this: "Follow Jesus." In "stepping up" to leadership positions, Eugene told them to "follow Jesus" and to forget about "proving" themselves. I look back the course of my senior year as a small group leader, and I wonder... Did I really follow Jesus? Or was I just trying to prove something to myself?
-The sophomore class was told that potential can only take them so far and that they can't depend on their reputation to get by. You know, that's the story of my life... People used to tell me of my potential, and I always believed them. Somewhere along the way, I began to think that I was invincible... College humbled me to great extents, but there are still traces of my dependence on a reputation that I can no longer live up to. Potential wasted...
-The freshmen class didn't receive advice so much as an apology. "We could have done more for them." And I wonder... Could I have done more to reach out to not only the freshmen in my small group, but also to the other freshmen and newcomers? The answer is "yes."
-Eugene forgot the senior class, but he eventually addressed it when someone asked him to. He said that one of these days in our futures, we would ask ourselves, "Why didn't we just listen to God?" The future? I must have failed to listen to God millions of time, and I have regretted it so many times in the past... I guess he speaks of more struggles and hardships to come...
Billy's testimony made me feel even worse. What the hell am I doing while people are dying and struggling to survive in places like Afghanistan? I'm wasting time and potential, trying to prove something to myself, and overlooking the needs of others...all failing to follow Jesus, failing to listen to God...while people are dying without the gospel.
If it weren't for Eugene's prayer, I think I would have been devastated. Just one line in his prayer reminded me that there was, is, and forever will be hope... That God did not look at my own righteous deeds, but that he looked at Christ's righteousness... I can't cling to anything else...
Yeah, I don't really like reading about "spiritual" things in other people's blogs, so I was hesitant about writing so much in mine, but I felt that it was important that I write this down for my own benefit. In the past, I've written down resolutions that I've failed to keep, but God-willing, I want to try to change things around, starting with this entry...
One day, I want to say: "Yeah, it's true that I wasted almost four years of my life. But near the end of those four years, I began to do something with myself that made a difference in other people's lives and ultimately brought glory to God."
